Wednesday, September 29, 2010

An ironic weakness

Most of the time
I am not lonely!
I do not crave companionship
nor do I wish for someone
to be with me
in my space...

But, when I am sick
that all changes!
I feel vulnerable
and alone...
whenever I get the flu
or a sinus infection..
or whatever,
I find that all the defenses I have
and all I crave
is someone
to share my heart
for just a moment...

And the irony?
Is I have never had that!
-not when I was ill...
so its not that I miss it...
I was with a man
who while helpful..
was not a ''caretaker' of me...

So why?
why when I am sick
do I imagine
snuggling beside someone
and knowing
that I not alone?

I think its because
I am too weak
to remember
NOT to want that...
I am to worn
to remind my heart
that I am ALL I need....

Like the illness..
this too shall pass!
and I will be back
to being strong
and able
to take care of 'me'.
being vulnerable
is still a state of being
I avoid....
Just sayin!


  1. Hum, that's interesting mainly because when I am sick, all I want is to be left alone :o/

  2. I know what you mean! Someone to "care" for you while you are down for the count. Though I am not a very good "sick" patient. I enjoy the extra glasses of cold water and hot soups brought to me. That is always nice. And someone just to ask how I am feeling is nice too!
    But as you say...this too will pass.
    Feel better!

  3. I think maybe that could be a hold-over from a loving, caring mother who knew how to nurture you while she was raising you, and I'm sure she never missed an opportunity to do that!

  4. I think we all want to be cared for when we are ill......just someone to take over, handle things as well as show me love and especially feeling safe. Hey your still young, it may stil happen yet. Hope you are well soon...:-)Hugs