Tuesday, September 21, 2010

It started like every other day....

It was just a day..
like every other day-

cold and sad;
dismal and dispairing-
lonely, empty and forboding...

But, I did not know
I would leave -
this day.

I had thought about it-
imagined it...
cried about it-
dreamed about it...

but, how?
where would I go?
I had a few 'vague' options-

BUT, I would be diving off a cliff
without being able to see
the depth of the water!

I was scared!
I had been scared..
for many months.

Today was no different!
I dropped my kids off at school-
I returned home
to the drama
and the hurt...

the drama and the hurt-

I picked the kids up from school
and set off for their dads..
an hour and a half drive.

A phone call from 'him'-
'him' the first one I had trusted
after their dad left..
'him' the one who tried to break me..
and hated my strength.
'him' whom my whole being longed
to flee from...
This phone call from 'him'-
changed it all.

I knew in that moment
it was time...

for my children
there was no preperation-
they did not get to say good bye to friends,
or bring anything with them-
one second all was the same..
the next it was changed forever...
and yet, they too
knew it must be.

for me-
it was dark
it was lonely
it was the hardest thing I have ever done-
But, it was......time.

Now 22 months later
I still remember...
I still go back in my mind
I still feel
the heartbeat of risk-
the hurt of the charade-
the loss of safety and trust-
But, I can feel it
and I can leave it behind-
I visit in my dreams
and wake up shaking..
but the dream ends..
and I remember- it's over!

I have never regretted leaving-
not for an instant.

I am free...
It. Was. Time.


  1. Go girl! You're strength leaves us all cheering!

  2. Freedom is worth everything. Glad you took the risk.

  3. Sounds like a frightening time ... glad you are now free and safe!

  4. wow - that was amazing and you are s strong lady! i never regretted leaving either. sending you a hug - Swati

  5. This is beautiful. It shows your strength and the despair you were living.