Sometimes I think I should wear
a warning label..
'objects in mirror are more fragile then they appear'.
As I have started to look at my heart
and my fears-
I see that over this past 2 years...
I have become very 'brittle'.
In contrast to who I have been
in past relationships;
giving, open, persistent, quick to forgive...
I am now;
guarded, sensitive, easily hurt...
and when hurt I run!
As I have not entered into a love relationship-
I can base this on my friendships!
When a friend hurts my feelings,
its as if there is a switch in my heart!
it shuts off!
I could easily never talk to that person again!
is the only thing that has saved me
from doing this!
as I begin to reach out more and more..
as I try and let people in..
I want to warn them!
WATCH OUT- I RUN!
A safety valve that protects me from harm,
that was installed way too late
to protect me from damage!
and one that I fear will prevent me
I find myself
trusting when boundaries are in place..
I have a dear, single, male friend-
who is not interested in more!
I open up to him!
I trust him!
I let him in!
He lives 3 states away.
So far he is one of the only men
I have let in like that.
and he is safe!
and even he can easily hurt me-
as can each and every person
in my life..
and fixing..very different!
and wanting to fix..
The more I am OK alone,
the less sure I am
that taking a chance is worth it!
I wonder if all this self evaluation,
may be a good sign!
Maybe the sound
of a heart
wanting to beat again?
Only time will tell...