Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Kind of personal..but why not????

2 years have almost passed me by!
and I think sometimes
about all the reasons
I do not want someone in my life..
all the things I fear
or worry about!
and all the things I dream for
and wish would be!

As I get older
I think about starting over
and there is much about it
that seems hard work!
Meeting new families...
getting to know how someone
likes their coffee,
favorite color,
Their childhood nightmares
and hobbies!

I think about
learning someone else's patterns
and the sound their heart beat makes..
and some of this seems
so much!
and some so easy!

but the fear comes back
to them learning me!
I am pretty open about who I am...
but, what about my faults?
I am really stubborn!
I can be a teensy feisty!
I am excessively quirky!
and in some areas
I am also insecure!

and that becomes a whole new issue..
recently I examined my physical
and wonder if that does not play a role too..
no matter my stand on 'intimacy'
the reality of fears are still there!

My husband got the best of me!
I was young...
no kids...
and then as I became a little older
and had a '3' kids body..
he knew these kids,...
they were his!
The stretch marks
and extra 10 pounds..
had their name of it!

Someone new?
just gets the damage and the insecurities..
without the ownership!

I am sure that might be part of getting
part of growing up
and realizing that you are not 20

Starting over
with insecurities
emotionally and physically;
is much harder...
then starting fresh
when the world was my oyster
and I was forever young!

But, I guess then..
I might have had the young body...
but I had not grown into my own skin!
When all is said and done,
I have to face the fears
and overcome the less then perfections..
but I would take the 'all grown up me' now
over the 'so much to learn me' then...
stretch marks, heart aches,wrinkles,
and most of all 'life lessons',
and all....


  1. Oh my! I could have just as well written this post myself. I feel those same fears. And have been single now for 14+ years.
    Where to go from here

  2. Ya know what? We ALL have insecurities. And if you should choose to allow someone in... and if they should point out your flaws (which they won't if you don't point them out FOR them)... all that means is that they are insecure of their OWN flaws too!!

    Be who you are! Allow others to be who they are!

    Don't mourn who you once were. (Yes, easier said than done.) Every one of those "less than perfections" were hard earned. And you probably had "less than perfections" before kids too!


  3. ...i might have had the young body but i had not grown into my skin...that's beautiful and brilliant!
    You'll do fine!

  4. I don't miss those things, mainly because I never had them. I do miss not being able to hold my pee all day. Having to go every hour on the hour is horrid....

  5. Not a soccer mom- 14 years is a long time!
    T- you are so right!!
    Sandra- thank you!
    Mamma has spoken- I laughed out loud!!!!:)

  6. Subborn, feisty, quirky.. You are a woman! Celebrate that!! Men need feminine energy in our lives.

  7. dadshouse- I never actually thought about that just being part of who I am as a woman...something to celebrate not fear...

  8. THIS is beautiful! I am feel the same way. I look NOTHING like I used to, but in some ways I think I am more beautiful. Maybe not to the oppiset sex, but to myself.

    I think I'd make a better gf/wife now because of what I know and how I've grown. It'll just take a special man to see past some of the flaws :)

  9. wonderfully and beautifully said!

  10. Something I try to remind myself when it comes to this stuff. Do I see a guys body that I "love" and hate it or do I love it. Even if it isn't perfect, which they won't be. Now remember, that they feel the same way about mine. When they care about you, they begin to care about all of you. They don't even see the flaws.