Wednesday, September 15, 2010

only time will tell...

I am learning that at some point,
you have to start living life
to know if you are OK!
There is only so much you can know
while sitting on the sidelines!

One of my greatest fears
was reverting
to my 'co-dependent' place.
As a person, I am a people-pleaser!
I want to make others happy,
I avoid confrontation.
I give-in!
And yet, I am also stubborn and determined!

When I loved-
if I wanted my 'own way'..
I would not fight,
I would wait until a good time,
or the right circumstances..
I would passively try and get my way.
Sometime I 'won'
sometimes I did not..
but rarely did I stand my ground
with strength.
Instead I became what I thought I should!
compromising from the start
to keep the peace!
I never want to do that again!
compromise = yes
chameleon = no!

As I start to live my life,
rather then just watch it-
I see that has changed!!
When someone tries to bully me
or control me..
it no longer causes me to feel intimdated!
Instead it makes me mad!
It is not ok!
Please stand up to me, if needed!
or speak with conviction if you will....
BUT, do not bully me!
Do not try and control me..
I will not allow it!
I have not allowed it....

Seeing it,
living it...
understanding where I shall bend
and where I am steel,
has given me

I love the Lord
-my heart and soul!
I am a mother first!
My family matters!
My friends are important!
I love animals and have too many pets!
I will not eat meat!
-try and make me!!

The rest.
I will talk about...
but, I won't be pushed!
and I see that now!
I can hold my own...
I can depend on myself to look out for my kids,
and to look out for me...

and maybe THAT is enough
to allow me to give others a chance
to look out for me too!
Time will tell!


  1. beautiful written again. We have such similar feelings.

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  3. I wish my mother would read this. Very strong!

  4. I'm a bit like you! Don't like to be pushed or controlled!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  5. I'm like you, I stand up for myself more now that I am single. But I do so in a passive way. I need confrontation less now than ever. Doesn't mean I get bullied. I just avoid fights. And since it's my house, I get my way in the end.