Friday, September 24, 2010


The feeling of being un-nerved
has awakened feelings
from my past-
it has also helped me to
my walls..
are so much
bigger then a broken heart!

There was a time
when security was elusive.
I experienced what many woman have..
and most will tell you-
is an experience
you do not easily forget-

before I left
and after I left...
I was watched-
I was followed-
I was recorded-
..there is a word for this..
but the word does not do
the feeling justice.

The feeling of knowing
someone is out there,
behind you when you are in your car-
outside your window while you are sleeping-
driving by the place you are meant to feel safe-
watching you as you go about your day-
is a feeling I have
yet to put complete words too...

It is a feeling of being hunted-
a feeling of being trapped-
a feeling of being not just vulnerable
but exposed to your very core-
a feeling beyond description.

An invasion of the very
space around you...
walking on eggshells
that shatter with every step-
every shadow, every sound;
creating a shudder in your being-

As time passes
I forget-
I put it to the back of my mind-
the 'eeriness'
the anger it aroused-
the control this person
still held-

when I am reminded
the feelings rush back
and I understand
my walls-
my insecurity-
my need to be free!

I do not just fear another
broken heart-
I fear meeting another
broken mind-
I fear once again
loosing my ability to walk
safe and 'un-noticed'
through this world-

I will not remain here..
I fought the
emotional bars-
I overcame the
hostaged 'state' of my mind-

I will use what I
to understand how it
shapes my present-
but I shall not go back,
nor shall I remain in this memory
or state of unease.

I shall push through
and once again
win the battle-
but, first I must
'face' the


  1. wow.

    You are beyond strong!

    The things you have been through blow my mind!

    You children are so lucky to have a mom who has endured so much, and has done so brilliantly!

  2. So scary. You are a strong woman, you were then and you are now.
    You are not alone.

  3. I'm sorry to hear about the stalking - what a hostile, aggressive act.

  4. Debbie, Following your Facebook page from Spotlight Saturday. Pls. “like” my page of inspiring messages on family, faith and the human spirit!

  5. ((HUGS)) That I'm sure is a very scary feeling and I'm so sorry you went through that :(.

    I am following you from Spotlight Saturday blog hop. Would love to have you follow back!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  6. I am your newest follower from the weekend blog hop! Lovely Blog! You can find me at

  7. Chilling Debbie. I have not walked these shoes, nor wish too. Strength is something we do not necessarily choose, but hardship helps us to find the depths of it. I am glad that you have found some comfort and can leave your dark spaces behind you.